im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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