i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
