What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
