In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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