It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
