so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
