How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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