she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
