She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
