zippers are such a cool invention
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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