where does the pee come out of this thing
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize