i think i have two assholes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
