Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she peed on how many people?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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