My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
