Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My liver just had a heart attack.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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