I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
