My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize