If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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