Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
