the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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