Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
