He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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