some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
