If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
