I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
