She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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