My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
should my penis look like a turkey
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
