Your face is a jimmy john
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
