I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
