Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
