Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
