no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
