I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
