Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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