Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
