i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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