I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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