i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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