Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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