I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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