made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The beer is more important than you right now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
