i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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