I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
