just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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