tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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