Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize