he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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