i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
God, I missed his penis.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
