did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
