moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
