"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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