He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
