So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
