I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
