My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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