They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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