i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
