forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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