i just wanna soil my oats bro
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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