There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
