I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
