You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
