I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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