So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
