Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
